I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
