I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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