So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i will never coherently bang her
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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