the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
