Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If that was your dad, he is hot
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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