me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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