whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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