**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
this hospital has no fireball
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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