The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
