Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize