i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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