Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
