Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
