Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
