my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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