Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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