at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
