Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
