yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
