I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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