TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
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his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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