i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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