I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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