God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
