Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
