woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
