i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
