over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
