I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
