Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
