Kiss
Puke
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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