Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
