did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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