i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
