Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Randomize
