Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize