Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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