i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
