i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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