So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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