your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
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Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
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Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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