Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
