I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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