Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
