Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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