You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
