She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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