I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
