lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
