just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
