After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
