I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
