Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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