So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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