if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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