But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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