i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
