Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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