We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
