so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
