This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
