can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
