I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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