You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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