i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
