Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
