I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just want to make out with him forever
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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