HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
