this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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