12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
