i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
