It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
