I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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